


Here and Now

by asofthaven



Series: Celebrate the Feeling [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, Yamaguchi has depression, boys as second years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asofthaven/pseuds/asofthaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some mornings Yamaguchi has trouble getting out of bed. Those mornings, Kei is there to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here and Now

Yamaguchi has become accustomed to sometimes waking up without the desire to do anything. It wasn't the same type of listlessness that happened after a particularly hard practice or the kind of lack of desire that meant he wanted to spend the day playing videogames in his shorts. It was more sinister than that, the kind of languid feeling that had him staring at his bedroom ceiling for an hour because the very thought of gathering the energy to move his head, let alone his whole body, seemed impossible, unfathomable.

Most of the time, he could force his body to do what it thought was impossible, and if he moved slower than usual on the walk to school or skipped note-taking, well, he had gotten up and gotten dressed and still had to make it to and through school and practice and that in itself was sometimes a feat more imposing and terrifying than pinch-serving, especially since these desireless days could sometimes stretch to impossibly long lengths.

Today, however, his body seemed to not want to obey him in the least.

He reminded himself that he could force himself to move, but the reminder only served to make him feel worse about not being able to do what he'd been able to do previously. He had to get up and get dressed, had to make breakfast and pack a lunch, had to go to school, had to go to practice, had to wash his stupid face and put on his stupid uniform and try to make his hair look less like a spiky bush and find a way to get his grades up and figure out how to get the serve perfect and his receives steady so he could finally be a regular and there were so many things he had to do, so many things he should be able to do and the fact that he couldn't was embarrassing and it was ridiculous and Yamaguchi stared hard at the ceiling because his stomach felt hollow and so did his chest but that hollowness wasn't a _feeling_ , it was a nothing and what was the point of having a nothing?

When he finally managed to lift his head up, he saw that he had just over twenty minutes to get to school. That didn't make him feel any better.

Neither did the fact that, given the absence of hearing the front door opening and the lack of his mother's voice calling up to him, Tsukki had apparently not come to pick him up as he had started doing since the end of their first year, reversing the usual combination of Yamaguchi fetching him.

Yamaguchi curled into himself under the covers, trying to block out the sinister voice that was trying to overtake his thoughts. It was the same voice that whispered about how he was a failure at volleyball and a disappointment to his mother and had an ugly face and an awkward body—a voice that could normally be ignored on a good day. But today was not a good day and the lack of feeling that Yamaguchi was currently experiencing meant that he had a hard time ignoring the insidious, self-conscious questions that exploded from the voice in Tsukki's absence.

_He's tired of you._

_Why would he keep coming to fetch you?_

_You can't even get out of bed, why would he keep bothering with someone like you?_

_He's not going to keep wanting anyone like you, anyways, because your eyes are too small and your body doesn't fit his, and you're weak and pathetic and—_

"Tadashi, Kei is here!" his mother called.

That only succeeded in making Yamaguchi curl further into the bed, no longer sure he wanted Tsukki there anyways.

 

Tsukki stood in his doorway, his golden eyes narrowed as he took in the room.

"We're going to be late," he said offhandedly.

"Sorry, Tsukki," Yamaguchi mumbled, the words feeling awkward in his mouth because he hasn't said that sentence much since first year. Things had shifted, things had changed, and he hadn't needed that statement the same way he did before.

He kicked off his covers. How quickly could he get dressed? Yamaguchi moved towards the end of the bed, rubbing a hand on his face, past a cluster of pimples he hadn't remembered being there yesterday, and through his hair. He wouldn't have time to do anything other than dress, and even then, he and Tsukki would still end up late and that would be his fault, wouldn't it, because it took him so long to do something as normal as sit up and get out of bed.

He could feel Tsukki watching him and his face reddened unwillingly in response. "Sorry," he mumbled again.

"I told your mom that I'd get us to school," Tsukki said after a moment, placing his bag on the ground by Yamaguchi's door, "So just act like we went when she gets back. She's already left for work."

"Eh?" Yamaguchi asked, but Tsukki ignored his confusion.

"I'm bringing you food," the blond boy said before disappearing out of Yamaguchi's room. He heard footsteps descend the stairs, but it's not until he hears the sound of pots hitting the stovetop that he moves, forgoing the uniform hanging on the back of his door for the sweatpants on the floor by his bed.

 

"I didn't feel like going today," Tsukki answered easily in response to the question that took Yamaguchi several minutes to ask, not looking up from the comic he had snatched from Yamaguchi's bedside. "Eat your soup."

Mechanically, the freckled boy began spooning the miso soup into his mouth. And when Tsukki told him to take a shower, he did that, too, and joined the other boy in the couch when Tsukki directed him to, allowing the taller boy to wrap him in a warm blanket while Yamaguchi leaned in equal parts against Tsukki and the pile of pillows on his other side.

He had been nodding off when he felt Tsukki's fingers dip through his damp hair.

"Mm?" Yamaguchi asked, too sleepy to bother forming words.

"Go to sleep," Tsukki commanded, his voice soft. But Yamaguchi looked up to study Tsukki's features, examined the familiar curve of the other's nose, the narrowness of his gold eyes, the way his mouth was turned down slightly--not in displeasure, Yamaguchi recognized, but, possibly, embarrassment.

"You stayed," Yamaguchi said. The frown deepened, the eyebrows twitched together, and the tips of his ears turned a light red. Yamaguchi smiled faintly and let his chin rest on top of the other's shoulder.

Tsukki's eyes dropped to meet Yamaguchi's for a moment before moving back to the muted TV. "I'll still be here when you wake up," he assured Yamaguchi, begrudgingly, and the other boy let his head drop back against the warm body next to him.

"I know," Yamaguchi replied. He still felt empty, felt like a nothing, but the words come out easy and confident because there was something very grounding about knowing that Tsukki would always choose to stay next to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> Yamatsukki is my Haikyuu OTP and depressed Yamaguchi is near and dear to my heart, so there's another story along these lines coming up. Title was taken from 'Be Okay' by Oh Honey.


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